Am I Cheating as a Stay at Home Mom?


stay at home mom


Sometimes I wonder , Am I Cheating as a Stay at Home Mom? I am truly blessed to not have to leave my home every day to go to work. 2 ½ years ago my husband and I decided that after 15 years in the medical field I was burned out and needed a change. I would come home so mentally exhausted from multi-tasking all day that I would fall asleep on the couch. We weren’t spending much time together. My husband is a System Administrator in our local hospital. He works hard, often late at night after the bulk of the hospital activity is calmer. He was selflessly managing all his work and the house responsibilities without complaint, but he was tired as well. We decided that we were managing our financial situation well and I could help my husband more by taking care of the household needs versus bringing home a paycheck. This would allow him time to relax when he came home and would ease my mental overload. So I did it, I left my job and became a stay at home Mom.

At that time stay at home Mom was a stretch, it was more housewife. My daughter and bonus children were with us Friday night to Sunday night. I had no children to get up for school, to prepare for the day, to make lunches for. I could sleep in. I ran errands like grocery shopping and took care of the house. On the weekend I was Mom and helped with homework, played, etc. The advantage was the majority of the household chores were done, so there was more play time. It stayed this way for a year. Then my ex-husband decided to move out off the country

My daughter moved in with us full-time in the summer of 2015. She still visited her father as he didn’t leave until fall that year, but her visits were minimal. She was extremely upset that he was leaving and he was spending a lot of time going back and forth to Canada. My bonus children were still on a weekend schedule.

Now I had the opportunity to feel like I was being a Mom. I had someone to tend too. She was turning 14 so she was extremely capable, but it was nice to be hands on again. I was checking up on homework, taking her to and from school, making lunches, going on school field trips and tucking her in at night.

At the beginning of 2016 our schedule with our younger children changed. We now have them from Thursday after school until Sunday afternoon. The trick to that, the kids live and go to school almost an hour away. I have to pick up my daughter at school and the drive an hour to get the kids and an hour to drive back. On Fridays I have to drop my daughter off at school and then drive an hour to drop off the kids and then drive back home, and then pick my daughter up in the afternoon, drive to pick up the kids and then drive back home. That is 4 hours in the car for me. We have homework to attend to on Thursday nights and I have more lunches to make on Friday mornings. Friday is definitely the day when I feel like a Super Mom.

stay at home mom

Our children are in 4th grade, 5th grade and 9th grade, so there are no children to take care of during the day except for no school days and summer. So is it fair to say I’m a stay at home Mom? I’m never quite sure. My oldest daughter has a 2 year old and a 6 year old. The 6 year old is in school all day now, but the 2 year old is home with her all day. She often says she can’t seem to get anything done. My whole day is free during school hours. I can go anywhere, do anything and it’s uninterrupted, as long as I am available to pick up kids at school.

So am I cheating as a stay at home Mom or am I a housewife? People often think that a stay at home Mom isn’t a real job, if I had young ones at home I would beg to differ, but without children during the day am I just a lucky Mom with a lazy day? My husband tells me I am a wonderful Mom and that I help him out incredibly by taking care of the home and being there for the children. I hope he is right. I am blessed that we are in the situation that we are that I can be home, that I can participate in school functions and take care of them when they are home sick. I thank my husband every day for encouraging and supporting our life choice, it wouldn’t be possible without him. My Blended Stay at home Mom Life makes me a very Happy Wife.

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  1. Zooey says:

    Thanks for this honest and moving post… I don’t think you’re cheating! You’re doing really great job by taking care of your home and the whole family. Thanks to you they have everything they need and everything is done on time. Taking care of kids, husband and household chores is not an easy job, but it can give so much satisfaction.. It’s awesome that you have the possibility to be stay at home Mom and fullfill yourself! You have older kids and your day looks different than other stay at home moms’, but who cares!:) Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s your life and you should do whatever makes you happy and have a job that has positive influence on yours and your husband mental health and well-being.

    1. admin says:

      Thank you so much for your kind comments ?

  2. I certainly don’t think you are cheating. You are still a mum (a good one) and you make sure everything is done, organized and ready for when the kids get home. All their needs are catered for I’m sure and you have time to spend with them without having to run around getting things done or being too tired after work. Your school run sounds an absolute nightmare! Thank you for sharing with #StayClassyMama

    1. admin says:

      thank you. you helped me look at it in a different light. That school run is torture, but those babies are so worth it, plus I have my 15 year old as my co-pilot on the pick up runs so we sing our hearts out to the radio 🙂

  3. Claire says:

    I definitely don’t think you are cheating, being home without kids during the day is the time that allows you to keep the family on track, including keeping both your husband and yourself healthy and happy by reducing the stress you were under, that is the most important thing! xx #stayclassymama

    1. admin says:

      Thank you so much. Your comment is so sweet

  4. I think this is a lovely post and I don’t think you are cheating at all, each mother has different experiences! You do amazing driving so far I couldn’t manage that long a school run! I have always been a working mum but my OH who works very hard has asked I take a couple months off to focus on little one and we are going to move house. It will be a very different role but I look forwards to the difference. Thank you for linking to #stayclassymama x

    1. admin says:

      Thank you for your kind comments and thanks for having me.

  5. Leah at MomstersRaisingMonsters says:

    Everyone’s called to do different things. It’s not cheating if you’re trying to do your best!

    1. admin says:

      Thank you for your sweet comment

  6. Anna nuttall says:

    This is an awesome post and quite frankly you are not cheating in the slightness. My mum still call herself a stay at home mum even those I no longer live with her and I have my own place. Don’t listen to what other people will say. xx

    1. admin says:

      Thank you so much. Your Mom sounds amazing.

  7. You are doing great. Your husband is happy and supportive. You also have time for yourself now which you were not able to do with your previous lifestyle. Take it easy and enjoy the little things.

    1. admin says:

      Thank you for your kind comment. I am truly blessed

  8. FS Page says:

    Aww.. I dont think you are cheating. Its just the way things have to be. Your intentions are fine and till you love your family, there is no cheating in it.

    1. admin says:

      Thank you so very much

  9. It’s great that you found the right path for yourself and your family. We’re all so busy all the time. And many families are falling apart. If you find what really works for you, go for it.

    1. admin says:

      Thank you. I will definitely do that

  10. I think that if you can manage it financially and you really want to, that being a stay at home mom is a wonderful thing. Or even a stay at home dad if you are in that situation. Either way, your kids get opportunities with you at home that they wouldn’t have otherwise.

    1. admin says:

      Thank you. I agree. I think also that a stay-at-home Dad is just as wonderful.

  11. Lauren lewis says:

    Great post! If you’re loving and caring for your kids in your home, I don’t think it’s cheating at all. So nice that your husband is encouraging and supportive!

    1. admin says:

      Thank you for the comment. I am very blessed

  12. Sara says:

    The job you chose is the more difficult in the world! I appreciate your choice, you are a great woman!

    1. admin says:

      Thank you so very much, you are so sweet

  13. Nay says:

    I love the term ‘bonus children’ it’s so loving. And although your children are older you are still a stay at home mom as you’re a mother and you’re home for your children. Mine are tiny but I’ve heard it doesn’t get easier just because they are older – the challenges are just different.

    1. admin says:

      This is true, all ages add different challenges. Next year I will have one In primary school, one in middle school and one in high school. I’m sure we will be pulled in many different directions then.

  14. Heidi says:

    I never think being a stay-at-home mom is cheating. It’s wonderful! Whether you have kids at home full time or not, having some one to take care of the home and other things is always a good thing. I know it’s not feasible for everyone, but we need more stay-at-home moms!

    1. admin says:

      I never thought it was something I would be able to do, and I wished that I had planned my life differently when my girls were little. I am so blessed that I get to do it now. I thank my husband often for helping to make it happen

  15. Aww, I love this post, and that your husband respects what you do for your family – regardless of what title you choose to wear. And I don’t think you’re cheating at all. You have children. That makes you a mom. You stay home. That makes you a stay at home mom. And you’re a mom all day every day, regardless of where your children are in life. So you can call it housewife if you want, or stay at home mom – both are 100% accurate.

    1. admin says:

      Thank You for such a wonderful comment

  16. Ewa says:

    Your husband is right 🙂
    I’m guessing that if you have a house and children is always something to do for both parents. If one person stays at home then that person automatically has more work.

    1. admin says:

      Thank you so very much

  17. I love the term ‘bonus’ children! Fabulous! It’s great that you have made your own choices, life is short, spend the time I say!

    1. admin says:

      I love bonus too.thank you for your encouragement

  18. Thecla says:

    Being a stay-at-home wife/mom is a job that isn’t often looked up to anymore in today’s society.. for some reason! It’s a lot of work to keep a house running smoothly, keeping it clean, getting healthy food on the table, etc.. it’s work!
    That’s great that your husband supports you and appreciates what you do, at the end of the day that’s what’s important! ?

    1. admin says:

      Thank you so much. My husband is so wonderfully supportive. I’m blessed

  19. Gracie says:

    You are a loving wife and a wonderful Mom. As for me, I will call you the Superwoman of the house. Being THE woman of the house is not an easy task. There’s no argument about that. Cheers to us!

    1. admin says:

      Thank you. Superwoman sounds aweome

  20. deb says:

    Staying-at-home to watch your kids is a full time job! On Women’s day – I’d say, do what your heart wants to do!

    1. admin says:

      Sounds perfect. Thank you so much

  21. never! you’re never “cheating” you’re a wonderful mama doing great things for your kids and your family!

    1. admin says:

      Thank you so much. I sure do try

  22. Amber Myers says:

    I get what you mean. My kids are both in school. I still say I’m a Stay At Home Mom since I’m always a mother. When they get home it’s homework, dinner, driving them to places they need to go, etc. When they move out, I’ll probably still be at home since my husband works a crazy schedule. If I worked, we’d never see each other, and we discussed it and decided it wasn’t worth me getting a job.

    1. admin says:

      Sounds like we have very similar situations. Thank you for the kind comment

  23. I don’t think the title of what you are matters.
    Your a mom who loves her kids!
    I struggle with calling myself a single mom because I’ve been in a new relationship for 7 months. Then I realized it doesn’t matter!
    Titles are just titles.

    1. admin says:

      So true. Titles are titles. Best wishes to you

  24. Sonja says:

    Great post full of the reality!

    1. admin says:

      Thank you Sonja

  25. Thomas says:

    Amazing post 😀

  26. Emily says:

    I think what you’re able to do for your kids is so respected. Take pride in that! In my eyes, it’s a job, difficult and rewarding. Great post!

    1. admin says:

      thank you so much

  27. Fatima says:

    This is a very nice post. I think you are a stay-at-home mom because as a mother, we accomplish various tasks and wear different hats. So kuddos for a job well done!

    1. admin says:

      thank you so very much

  28. Sam says:

    Thank you for your honesty. It’s refreshing to read, and encouraging to feel as though we’re not alone. Thank you for sharing.

    1. admin says:

      Thank you so very much

  29. This is a great post full of the reality! Being a mother and even a housewife is a full time job and its sad that it hasn’t been given the credit that its worthy of! Being there and present helps mould the environment for growth! Bless you and your family so much 🙂

    1. admin says:

      Thank you. You comment is so kind

  30. Katie says:

    I love how you call your step kids bonus kids! I am a stepmom too and I think I will start using that phrase too. Just so positive! Have you ever heard of the Sisterhood of Stepmoms? It’s a great group for stepmoms.

    1. admin says:

      I will look into that group. Thank you so much for your sweet comments

  31. Ashley says:

    Great post. You are not cheating at being a stay at home mom, it’s just a different kind of stay at home mom.

    1. admin says:

      Lol. Thank you, I like that approach

  32. Jacinta says:

    You are already doing so much! Don’t be too hard on yourself. 🙂

    1. admin says:

      Thank you so very much

  33. Mindy says:

    This is awesome. I am happy for you to find something that works. It doesn’t matter what we are “supposed” to do, we need to do what makes us happy and live a better life. I wish upon the chance to stay at home. I am feeling burnt out from a medical career as well and I am still young. Thanks for the inspiration.

    1. admin says:

      You’re welcome, and thank you for you sweet words

  34. Claudette Randall says:

    Well put Steph…I am exhausted just reading this. 🙂 Moms do wear many hats….don’t they 🙂 Sadly, not many moms are so fortunate to be able to stay home. I hated going to work after my divorce and I worried about them all the time while there -wishing I was home with them and felt so guilty I had to work . But there was a silver lining in the end..they had to learn to become more independent and responsible 🙂 They were a big help..well most of the time! 🙂
    Adam is so are a wonderful mom and doing a great job taking care of all my grands. So happy you get to stay home with them.. You shouldn’t feel one bit guilty either 🙂 You contribute a lot to the well being of your family. I love you and can’t tell you enough how proud I am your are my daughter-in law 🙂

    1. admin says:

      Thank you so much. That truly touches me. I have the best family

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