Yes, I Admit It…I’m Jealous of Beyonce

Beyonce

 

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There it is… the picture of a beautifully glowing pregnant Beyonce, and twins no less. My first reaction is, “that’s exciting for her”, I am always happy for someone adding a blessing, or two to their family.  My second reaction is jealousy. 

I’ve given birth to two daughters of my own, so mine is not the jealousy of not being able to conceive. I certainly feel for anyone who faces that struggle. My jealousy is meeting the man of my dreams at an age where we didn’t feel it was the best choice for me to have another pregnancy.

When my husband and I started our relationship I was almost 43 years old, he was 38. He has two beautiful children as well, my bonus daughter and son.  Together we made a beautifully blended family of 6. We also were blessed to have a granddaughter who was 2, now we have 2 granddaughters.  I now having a baby well into your 40’s is beginning to become more of the norm.  Heck, Janet Jackson just had a baby at 50. But there are so many more factors to think of when you are starting a second marriage than just having a pregnancy at an older age.

At the time of our decision, our children spent 50% of their time with us and 50% of their time with their other parent.  How would they feel if they had a new sibling that got to spend 100% of their time with their parent while they couldn’t?  We wouldn’t want any of our children to feel like they didn’t deserve the same thing and unfortunately that choice isn’t ours alone. Their other parents deserve time with them too.

There were medical concerns to think of. My husband was born with a heart defect requiring open heart surgery as a baby. His two children’s pregnancies were closely watched for any heart issues.  Happily, there were none, but another child may have had a different result.  My two daughters were both born with visual impairments, one with Optic Nerve Atrophy and one with bilateral congenital cataracts (for more information read my previous blog, Remember, When Life hands you Lemons…). There was the concern that a third child for me may have a visual impairment as well.  There were also the concerns of being “advanced maternal age” that increased the odds of too many birth defects to mention.  I would never be able to terminate a pregnancy due to defects and I was working full-time, what would we do?  If I had known I would be a stay-at-home Mom two years later that might have changed this part of the decision.

We were also Grandparents already.  The age difference from our oldest child to a new child would be too significant, 18+ years, for them to ever really enjoy a true sibling relationship and certainly never be able to grow up in the same home.

Based on those concerns, we decided that a child together was not in the plans for us.  We have struggled with that decision ever since because nothing would please us more than to have a child that was a piece of both of us.  Even though we struggle and wonder “what if” we know it was the best decision we could make for our family.  What we didn’t know at the time was that blood doesn’t make you feel like children are yours.  The bonds my husband and I have with all four children are amazing.  They are ours in every way. 

 

So now I get my baby fix from my granddaughters. I’m certain with four children between us there will be many more grandchildren to come.  Our youngest child is 9 so we have many years to enjoy new family additions.

 Beyonce, yes I am happy for you, and yes I am still jealous, but I have an amazing Blended Life and that makes me a Happy Wife.

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Comments

  1. Maria says:

    I understand why you may feel jealous. And I wouldn’t blame you at all for feeling that way. The way your married life, and raising a family went, is a little bit different. But, whats wrong with different, right? I mean I understand it would have been special to have children with your husband, and that would have been a totally different experience altogether. But I know that God, has created this life for you, because you bring so much love into it already. I love reading about your blended family. I love knowing how that works from a point of view of someone who actually goes through it whole heartedly. To know that you can kind of do the “new parenting” with your grandchildren is that much more special. Besides, how awesome is that for them to have their grandma/mama/mimi, whatever it is they call you be super awesome, the way you are! xoxo

    Maria | imommy (All Mamas Link Party participant).

    1. admin says:

      Even though I am jealous of the situation, I am more than thrilled with the life we have and because we treat all four of our children like they are our own, no matter who gave birth to them it helps for not biologically having one of our own. We truly have been blessed and I couldn’t ask for any more than that <3 🙂

  2. Aww you are such a great parent and grandparent! Your feelings are totally justified and you don’t have to be jealous of other people.

  3. Pam says:

    There are always so many variables behind and within a pregnancy. I admire you and your husband for taking them all into consideration and not just going with your heart, as hard as that can be.

  4. Janne says:

    Your family sounds wonderful! Have a good weekend 🙂

  5. It sounds like you have a beautiful family.
    I can only imagine the heart ache you’ve had over not having a child with the one you love, but I’m sure there is a lot of love to go around!!
    Split custody can be so hard! I worked for someone with split custody and the every other day thing was seriously difficult for all involved, but what is the right answer? I don’t know.

  6. Jody says:

    You are a great parent/grandparent – your feelings are totally justified!

  7. Meg says:

    My mother-in-law had children late in life while I was my mom’s youngest and she had me at 25 and there is a major gap when they get together. While my mom is on the cusp of 50 my husband’s mom is well past it. I gave birth to my mom’s 7th grandchild while it was the other grandma’s first. Life can work in mysterious ways and if it is time for you to have another baby then it will happen, you have to look past the “what ifs” and do what you feel is right for you.

  8. Victoria says:

    You have a close, loving family and this is precious.

  9. Rabz Haq says:

    It sounds you already have a lovely family.
    May you always stay happy.. Amen.

  10. sonja says:

    You have healthy and wonderful family and that is most important!

  11. Julie says:

    I felt my heart sink when you mentioned about having split custody and then having kids of your own. My father remarried and his new wofes grand daughter is more of a daughter to him than I am and it definitely hurts.. I’m glad this waa something you and your husband considered.

    1. admin says:

      It was very important. 🙂

  12. Dusica says:

    You’re blessed ’cause you have a healthy and live family. That’s all that matters.

  13. sarah says:

    Its ok to be jealous of Beyonce – but it sounds like you have a wonderful family!

    1. admin says:

      Thank you 🙂

  14. Krista says:

    I can totally understand. As the child of a blended situation, I was glad my mom didn’t have another kid with her husband, mostly because they ended up divorced too, but as a mom I can totally understand.

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